Some people are astonished or sceptical when I say that I have clear long-lasting memories as young as six months (of the assassination of JFK), or that I had multiple NDEs (near-death experiences, i.e., being revived) as a tint preemie. In the first case, I can only relate my experience of a house I never afterwards lived in, with people I did not see again after age 16 months. Of the latter, the hospital record will back me up as having 'many periods of apnea' in those 4 months in hospital.
My consciousness during those non-physical episodes was not one of an infant, but of a mature individual, distinct from my Higher Self Claire. The lasting effect of those NDEs has been a rather tenuous attachment to the 3D world, and an intense longing to 'go home', which predictably surfaces when life here is too intense, tense, stressful, or painful for my sensitive nature. I have been told by many people that I 'lack will' or stamina, which contradicts the testimony of the NICU nurses, who said that I was a 'survivor', that I endured due to sheer bloody will.
I have been petitioning my Life Council since I was two years old to be able to come home. They are unrelenting. I have 'work to do' here, related to the very subjects you are reading here. Very few people even know what I mean by 'go home'. They think I literally mean 'go back to my physical house.' A temporary solution is to vault myself into a state where I can 'go home' for a while, which is difficult to do when I am in a 'state' - physically or mentally. That's about the best I can manage here. I'm not knocking it. I will take every 'moment' There I can get while here.
When I heard of Dannion Brinkley, who has experienced three NDEs as an adult, I was very heartened. He was the first person that I can recall who talked about these matters openly, back in the 1980s. And, having met him, I can say he is as genuine as can be, and a really open and NICE person.
Longing to go home is a very common feeling among NDEers, so at least I am not alone. We all have something here to do, which is why we remain. But access to There is thankfully available to all, at any time, free of charge.
Showing posts with label infant death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infant death. Show all posts
13 June, 2015
Shift
One of the reasons I decided to begin this record is that I recently underwent a transformation in my relationship with my 'I/There', Higher Self, Claire, and my teacher George. This was due to a life change that I made back in October, quitting my 'safe' day job because I was ill, and it was leave or possibly die, especially as the prescribed meds for my adrenal condition at the level at which I was allowed did not help. This precipitated many unforeseen 'adventures' and 'learning experiences.' This begs the question, 'why are bad things allowed to happen?'The answer to this is complex. Sometimes the answer is ' this was the life plan before coming in.' Sometimes it is 'this was called to the individual by their vibrational level [thoughts, emotions].'
In an effort to understand this latest in 'a series of unfortunate events', I asked Claire why there was this continually bumpy journey.
Claire: This is due to relying on the judgement and suggestions of George, who while he means well, is too attached [to me] to be balanced in his guidance.
Those pithy words were resonating and revolutionary. I recognised the truth of them when they were spoken. This role of mine, what I think of as 'I' here, was one of the first creations of George's when he moved into creating such roles. It would be fair to say that he was attached to the his creation, and invested in seeing it continue, to a degree that, indeed, was unbalanced. His good intentions of seeing often-ill me 'taken care of' have led me into some very bad space, because I very erroneously trusted his judgement more than my own. I decided after this to follow Claire's advice rather than George's, and to accept that his intentions were good.
If I compare George's way of being to that of Claire, I see a person who is practical, pithy, using logic rather than emotion. She is compassionate, but is not sentimental. Her interest is truly in problem solving in very practical ways. Some people There find her tough, but she is in no way unkind.
Then several weeks later, I was driving home from down 'the Hill' as we call Idyllwild, and out of the blue, for reasons I cannot yet fathom, I asked George what it took for him to be persuaded to make me stay when I was a tiny premature infant suffering apnea, and my twin sister had already died. When my sister died, and I was in such a poor way, there was a meeting with my Life Council, Franz, George, Claire, and Amy (whose 'downline' was my sister.) The Life Council was for my staying; everyone else was against (including me.) George is the one who convinced me, and he was persuaded to do so, I understood, 'against his desire.' I am given to understand that when a direct question is asked, an answer will be given. I was stunned at George's response. He appeared very abashed.
George: I was persuaded that your continuing would allow my experiment to continue.
I was livid. Ego. It was all about ego.... Except that it made sense of all his efforts to have me 'taken care of in his absence' in the face of my lifelong illness and soft nature.
It took several weeks for me to get my head around this action, and to forgive it and go on with the relationship. I have done, but I put more stock in what Franz advises and certainly what Claire advises.
These conversations bring up the matter of fallibility, time, and personal growth There. Some people appear to believe that just because someone is dead, they know everything, and have nothing to learn, that there is 'no time' at all and everlasting sameness. But there is a scale of 'time' and growth, though it is of a very different scale to that of the 3D. I have experienced moving from one 'status' to another, one job to another, one abode to another. And the experience with George shows that even a lower Mental plane level discarnate person doesn't have all the answers and is subject to 'learning experiences'. This should not be discouraging, rather the opposite. We are always in a space to grow. For George, he has learned from this not to take his work so personally, to 'let the winds of Heaven dance between you.' For me, I have made a tremendous shift towards greater self-reliance and taking advice as ADVICE, just as I would from a friend or sibling here, not as a directive or as coming from someone who 'knows better' than I.
In an effort to understand this latest in 'a series of unfortunate events', I asked Claire why there was this continually bumpy journey.
Claire: This is due to relying on the judgement and suggestions of George, who while he means well, is too attached [to me] to be balanced in his guidance.
Those pithy words were resonating and revolutionary. I recognised the truth of them when they were spoken. This role of mine, what I think of as 'I' here, was one of the first creations of George's when he moved into creating such roles. It would be fair to say that he was attached to the his creation, and invested in seeing it continue, to a degree that, indeed, was unbalanced. His good intentions of seeing often-ill me 'taken care of' have led me into some very bad space, because I very erroneously trusted his judgement more than my own. I decided after this to follow Claire's advice rather than George's, and to accept that his intentions were good.
If I compare George's way of being to that of Claire, I see a person who is practical, pithy, using logic rather than emotion. She is compassionate, but is not sentimental. Her interest is truly in problem solving in very practical ways. Some people There find her tough, but she is in no way unkind.
Then several weeks later, I was driving home from down 'the Hill' as we call Idyllwild, and out of the blue, for reasons I cannot yet fathom, I asked George what it took for him to be persuaded to make me stay when I was a tiny premature infant suffering apnea, and my twin sister had already died. When my sister died, and I was in such a poor way, there was a meeting with my Life Council, Franz, George, Claire, and Amy (whose 'downline' was my sister.) The Life Council was for my staying; everyone else was against (including me.) George is the one who convinced me, and he was persuaded to do so, I understood, 'against his desire.' I am given to understand that when a direct question is asked, an answer will be given. I was stunned at George's response. He appeared very abashed.
George: I was persuaded that your continuing would allow my experiment to continue.
I was livid. Ego. It was all about ego.... Except that it made sense of all his efforts to have me 'taken care of in his absence' in the face of my lifelong illness and soft nature.
It took several weeks for me to get my head around this action, and to forgive it and go on with the relationship. I have done, but I put more stock in what Franz advises and certainly what Claire advises.
These conversations bring up the matter of fallibility, time, and personal growth There. Some people appear to believe that just because someone is dead, they know everything, and have nothing to learn, that there is 'no time' at all and everlasting sameness. But there is a scale of 'time' and growth, though it is of a very different scale to that of the 3D. I have experienced moving from one 'status' to another, one job to another, one abode to another. And the experience with George shows that even a lower Mental plane level discarnate person doesn't have all the answers and is subject to 'learning experiences'. This should not be discouraging, rather the opposite. We are always in a space to grow. For George, he has learned from this not to take his work so personally, to 'let the winds of Heaven dance between you.' For me, I have made a tremendous shift towards greater self-reliance and taking advice as ADVICE, just as I would from a friend or sibling here, not as a directive or as coming from someone who 'knows better' than I.
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