“Please Don't Send Me To The Snake Pit”: Modern Mental Health Care and the Scam of the National Suicide Hotline

My maternal great-grandmother was one of the most beautiful women I have ever beheld. But even in the earliest photograph I have of her, at age twelve, there was a deep sadness in her beautiful dark eyes which I instantly recognised. The beautiful girl grew into a beautiful woman, graduating from a teacher's college in Iowa in the same class as her dashingly handsome, rather shy future husband. But even in this photograph, of a happy occasion, the deep sadness is present. Later, there is a causal photograph of her with her sister and her first two babies; the younger, an infant, being my grandmother. In this, her head is bent 'like the stem of a broken lily', to use the Pre-Raphaelite phrase, and the depression is very clear. Later on in her life, she was swamped by this depression, and after much soul-searching, the family decided to admit her to an asylum, where she would receive electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). I remember keenly with what great emotion my grandmother told me of her poor mother begging her and her brother, 'Please don't send me to the Snake Pit!' - a reference to the 1946 book and 1948 film with Olivia de Havilland, which I had seen as a preteen, being enamoured of old Hollywood movies. So, I got the reference, and it was with horror and great sadness that I thought of that poor beautiful women undergoing such an experience. My grandmother said that the ECT 'cured the problem' but there are photos of her still-beautiful mother in great age, and the sadness is there. And I thought, but have never voiced until this moment, 'no, she only hid it, because she never wanted to go back to that horrible place.'

Depression, anxiety, and -based on behaviours of certain ancestors – probably bipolar disorder run on both sides of my family. The Celtic Curse. I myself have been anxious since I can remember (age two) and depressive since I was age seven. I have had varying levels of post-natal depression. As child, teen, and young woman, the worst part of this situation was being made to feel as if my mental health were a character flaw, in addition to all the symptoms. I was supposed to just pull myself together, bootstrap myself into normalcy and get on with it. None of this was investigated or treated until I was in my 30s, and then, having no health care, I made do with St. Johnswort, the Bach remedies, and various homeopathics. To say that these were not enough to forestall deep recurring depressions, general and social anxiety and panic attacks would be a gross understatement. When I finally did have healthcare through a long-term job, the plan with the least expensive copays was still too expensive for me.

But late in 2013 I was reaching a breaking point eclipsing any I had previously experienced, due to job stress and multiple health issues. Without real investigation, because I scored very high on assessment forms, the D.O. Wrote a script for a low dose of Paxil and sent me off to a counsellor (not a psychiatrist) in the Psych department, who recommended a meditation class and participation in the anxiety group once a week for six weeks. My boss complained about this inconvenience of missing two hours a week, and the HR department did not allow the therapies to continue, as the counsellor recommended. The Paxil helped take the edge off, but I was in a downward spiral of job stress, ill-health, and a problematic landlady. Throughtout 2014, my physical health worsened and landed me in the ER. Not getting much help or understanding from various doctors, my boss or HR department, I felt it was quit or die. But this also meant losing my health insurance.

We moved to the woods, near my siblings, expecting that the quiet environment would help. But the financial scene was bad, and my physical and mental health continued to deteriorate, even taking pregnenolone, inositol and taurine. After a lot of run-around from temp and employment agencies, I began the application process for disability (for which I have three qualifying conditions), but that is a long road. High doses of inositol were only asbout as effective as Paxil had been, taking the edge off, and I was regularly freaking out, crying uncontrollably, having panic attacks, and barely able to drag myself around. 'Passive suicidal ideation' (just wishing to quietly die) was constant. I did have 'plans'. I have had 'plans' since I was in my late teens, none of which involving anything messy or illegal. My understanding is that all people with such ideation have thought the matter through. I have always figured that a suicide in the family is bad enough; it oughn't be ickily traumatic as well.

I went through the long process of getting Medi-Cal, but due to bureaucratic cock-ups at the state end of things, my appointment with my Primary Care Provider was delayed for six weeks. If I had been able to be seen when I was originally supposed to be after the paperwork was 'expedited', I would not be telling this story.

Evenings for me have always been the worst, and a few weeks ago when my fellow was out at his restaurant job, I felt myself crashing and it all closing in. I needed help. I needed talking down, someone to be there and tell me that it was going to be all right. So did what we are always enjoined to do and called the National Suicide Hotline. Much red tape and misunderstood answers later, I was connected with someone 'local' (100 miles away!), who insisted that as I 'had a plan' and had 'taken something' – which was not the case – he was calling the police and EMTs and having me admitted to the local ETS (Emergency Treatment Services), which happened to be in Riverside, 70 miles away. I had a panic attack because my fellow had no phone, no house keys with him, wouldn't know where I was, and who would take care of our pets? I begged him, no no no, and hung up, in the grip of the panic attack.

The local police, fire, and ambulance all came roaring into our quiet little neighbourhood, banging on the door, rushing in, taking over the house like a SWAT team, demanding answers from me like MI5 interrogators of an 'Irish terrorist' in the Bogside, until I was hysterical on top of it all. Great bedside manner, guys, with someone with anxiety. Just saying. My fellow luckily came home in the middle of this. The police deputy told him (and me) that I would be given meds and 'looked after in a nice quiet environment'. He believed this. I did not.

It took three hours to go the 70 miles, because I had to be 'taken into protective custody', wait for another ambulance, and then they drove 25 miles an hour down our mountain road via the longest route possible. When we arrived at the prison-like establishment, I thought, 'Well here it is. Welcome to the Snake Pit.'I thought of my poor great grandmother. I thought 'I will never leave.'

All possessions and human dignity were removed. I was shown a straight hard chair in the brightly-lit, small cold crowded room with psychotics, schizophrenics, the violent, as well as the 'merely' depressed. Blankets, when they arrived in dribs and drabs, were 'first come, first served.' After several hours a doctor escorted me over to a card table in the corner and asked me what happened and why the police were called. I told him. That was all, no discussion of circumstances, history of depression, prior meds. Certainly no nice quiet dim restful private room with kind nurses and helpful meds. I could not sleep, but sat in that chair for a couple more hours before a nurse came and took me into a private room to fill in the admittance paperwork – because it had not been done before. She said that I would be 'released soon' and did my fellow know to pick me up. A woman who had been sitting near me earlier told me how to get an outside line on the phone. She who was given whatever drugs she wanted every ten minutes, rattling off, 'I need this, I need that', while I was struggling with all my strength of shut down my mind and appear simply catatonic, which wasn't far wrong, having had no sleep. I was in the anxious 'tired-wired' state – exhausted but hyper-vigilant. I phoned my fellow, who came directly, and then had to sit out in the waiting area for five mortal hours before they got around to actually releasing me. The only 'help' they offered at discharge was the telephone number for the county mental health services office, which I could have got from the phone book or the internet.

Finally, finally, a week after the experience in the Snake Pit, I was able to see my doctor, who took a very thorough history and made thorough examinations. I was given Lexapro and Xanax, which do help, though I am often dopey and lethargic and after the first doses slept for 15 hours. The next day -joy- was the examination by the psychiatrist required by the state for disability; a truly kind and sympathetic lady, for which I am grateful.

This is the state of our mental health system, and the ability or inability of doctors of every description to pay proper attention. Those with mental illnesses are still ignored, undertreated, or if they do ask for help, treated like cattle or criminals.

There is a better way.

A View of Self and Its Octaval 'Placement'

My apologies for the long gap in posting, but material life has been rather rough and I haven't been well, physically and otherwise.

I offer you the following, from Scot Mandelker, as a prologue or preface to a longer and more complex series of conversations on the nature of the mechanics of the system, the actual levels and nature of Higher Selves (Oversouls), Life Councils, the Committees and our approaching the event horizon of transhumanism and much more. Those unfamiliar with the Ra Material should see here:

Higher Self and the Mind / Body / Spirit Complex Totality

QUESTIONER: Please define the "mind / body / spirit complex totality".

RA: There is a dimension [7th density] in which time does not have sway. In this dimension, the mind / body / spirit in its eternal dance of the present may be seen in its totality, and before the soul joins with its own social memory complex [group-soul], and is finally absorbed into the allness of the One Creator through its own learning [8th density], the entity may know itself in its totality.

This "mind / body / spirit complex totality" functions as a resource for the Higher Self. The Higher Self [in 6th density] is a resource you can use to understand the distillations of 3D experience, and also program further life-experience. This set of relationships continues in 4th, 5th, and 6th densities, as the mind / body / spirit complex totality comes into consciousness in the course of 7D. {v. II}  

QUESTIONER: Does each entity have an individual mind / body / spirit complex totality or do a number of entities share the same mind / body / spirit complex totality?

RA: Both of these statements are correct in different time/space conditions. Each soul has its own totality-being, and when planetary groups achieve the level of "social memory complex" [unified group-consciousness], the totality of this union of entities also has its own Oversoul and social memory complex totality as a resource.  

As always, the sum of the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, spiritually speaking -- so that the Oversoul of a social memory complex is not merely the sum of the Oversouls of its members, but instead, it is created by a type of spiritual doubling [which greatly compounds its power]. {v. II}

The Life of Higher Self

QUESTIONER: Does this Higher Self have some type of vehicle like our physical body?

RA: This is correct. The Higher Self is of a certain advancement within 6th density, going into the 7th density. After 7D has been well entered, it becomes so totally a mind / body / spirit complex totality that it begins to gather spiritual mass and approach the octave density [8D]. Thus, the looking backwards [towards lower dimensions, 3D-6D] is finished at that point. {v. II}

QUESTIONER: Does the Higher Self break down into numerous units [souls] to have different types of life-experience [at the same time], and then oversee these experiences?

RA: We cannot say that your statement is either correct or incorrect, due to the confusions of what you call time. True simultaneity is available only when all things are truly seen to be occurring at once. The concept of "various parts" of Higher Self living "various experiences" simultaneously, is not precisely accurate due to your [distorted] understanding that this [dualistic experience] is an example of "true simultaneity". This is not the case. [In a true understanding of Unity, there are no "parts", no separate experiences or souls, no time and no space]

The case is from universe to universe [non-dual experience], and the Higher Self can program parallel existences if it needs to -- using information available from the [7D] mind / body / spirit complex totality regarding various probability lines at any point in its evolution. {v. II}

QUESTIONER: Could you give an example of how Higher Self programs parallel experiences?

RA: Perhaps the simplest example of this apparent simultaneity of existence of two selves, which are in truth actually one self at the same time/space [which is the Law of One], is what we have been considering. From your perspective, the Higher Self seems to exist simultaneously with the mind / body / spirit which it aids. However, [from the 3D perspective] this is not actually simultaneous, for the Higher Self is moving towards the soul as it is needed, from a point of development which could be considered to be your future. {v. II}

QUESTIONER: Is the Higher Self of every entity of a 6th density nature?

RA: This is correct. This is an honor/duty of self to self as one approaches 7th density.  

We should also note that each entity has several beings upon which it may call for inner support. Any of these [spiritual helpers] may be thought of as being the mind / body / spirit complex totality -- but this is not the case. The mind / body / spirit complex totality is a nebulous collection of all that may occur [all possible experiences], held in understanding. 

On the other hand, the Higher Self is a projection or manifestation of this "totality being [in 7D]", and may communicate with its own mind / body / spirit [the soul in 3D] during the discarnate part of a cycle of rebirth [after "death"], or during the physical incarnation. Such communication is possible if the proper pathways or channels through the roots of mind have been opened. {v. II}

QUESTIONER: Are these channels opened by meditation and intense spiritual polarization? 

RA: This is partially correct. Intense polarization [spiritual seeking] does not necessarily develop the will or need to contact Higher Self. Each soul's path of life experience is unique. However, given the [strong spiritual] polarization, the will is greatly enhanced and visa-versa. {v. II}

QUESTIONER: Does my Higher Self then operate from what I might consider to be my future?

RA: From the standpoint of your [3D] space/time, this is correct. {v. II} 

QUESTIONER: In that case, my Higher Self would have a great advantage in knowing what I need, since it would know what was going to happen in the future. Is this correct?

RA: This is incorrect, in that this [knowing of your future] would be an abrogation of your free will. The Higher Self is aware of the lessons learned through 6th density. The progress rate [of souls going towards 6D] is fairly well understood, but the choices which must be made to achieve the [level of] Higher Self are the full responsibility of the soul itself.  

Thus, Higher Self is like a map in which the destination is known; the roads are very well known, these roads being designed by intelligent infinity [Creator-Mind] working through intelligent energy [Creator-Power]. However, the Higher Self can program only for certain lessons and predisposing limitations if it wishes. The remainder [of one's life-experience] is completely the free choice of each entity. In this, there is a perfect balance between the known and the unknown. {v. II}

The Higher Self and 3D Programmed Catalyst

QUESTIONER: How does Higher Self program our life-catalyst in 3D?  

RA: The Higher Self, which exists with full understanding of the accumulation of all your personal experiences, helps the soul in healing the experiences which it has not yet fully learned. It is also the Higher Self that assists in further life experience programming.

The mind / body / spirit complex totality [in 7D] may be called upon by the Higher Self [in 6D], in the same way as the soul or mind / body / spirit complex [in 3D] calls upon its own Higher Self. This calling upon Higher Self is a structured situation in time and space -- and the Higher Self is aware of all the experiences of its soul, and has a firm grasp of the lessons to be learned in each density.

On the other hand, the mind / body / spirit complex totality is like the shifting sands, and can be considered a collection of parallel developments of the same soul. Its information is then made available to the Higher Self, which may then use these projected probability lines to better aid in future life programming [for souls evolving up to 6th density].{v. II}

Higher Self and the Negative Path

QUESTIONER: For souls on the negative path, is their own  6D Higher Self also negative?

RA: No negative beings have ever attained the Oversoul or Higher Self manifestation, which exists in late-6th density. Negatively oriented souls have a difficulty which, to our knowledge, has never been overcome -- for after 5th density graduation, wisdom is available, but it must be matched with an equal amount of love. This love/light is very, very difficult to achieve in unity [6D] while following the negative path. Therefore, during the earlier part of 6D, all negatively oriented social groups will choose to release the E potential and leap into 6th density positive [before achieving Higher Self].

Therefore, the Oversoul -- which makes its understanding available to all who are ready for such aid [on either path] -- is towards the positive. However, the free will of the individual is paramount, and any guidance given by Higher Self may be seen and used in either the positive or negative polarity, depending upon the choice of each entity. {v. II}

The Total Self

QUESTIONER: Does each Higher Self have a corresponding "Higher Self" advanced beyond it?

RA: Let us simplify this concept for you. The Higher Self is a manifestation given to the late sixth-density mind / body / spirit as a gift from its future Self. The mid-seventh density being's last action before turning towards the allness of the Creator [8D] and gaining spiritual mass is to give this resource [Higher Self] to its 6th density self, moving in "the stream of time".

The Higher Self of late 6D then has the honor/duty of using both the experiences of its own total living memory bank of experience, thoughts, and actions [gained on its own path to 6D], as well as the resource of the mind / body / spirit complex totality left behind [in 7D] as a type of infinitely complex thought-form [available for its own guidance]

In this way, you may see your 3D self, your 6D Higher Self or Oversoul, and your mind / body / spirit complex totality as three points in a circle. The only distinction between them is your experience of time and space. In reality, all are the same being. [This is "true simultaneity"] {v. II}

The Human Subtle Bodies

QUESTIONER: Can you tell me about the human energy bodies, their functions and purposes, and how they relate to the overall mind / body / spirit complex?

RA: To answer your query fully would take many sessions, for the interrelationships of the various bodies and each body's effects in various situations is an enormous study. However, we shall begin by referring you  back to the spectrum of true colors [7 chakras or rays] and their relationship to the various densities of your octave.

You will find that the number 7 is repeated from the macrocosm [densities or dimensions] to the microcosm [chakras or rays of the mind / body / spirit complex] in structure and experience. Therefore, it would only be expected that there would be 7 basic bodies which are most easily described according to the 7 rays [red-ray body, orange-ray body, etc.]. 

However, it will be somewhat confusing to try to relate these bodies to both the color rays and the different terms used by esoteric traditions. Various human teachers present their understanding in various terms. Therefore, different names are often given for the same subtle body.

The red-ray body is your chemical body. However, it is not the physical body which you use in 3D. It is the unconstructed material of the body, the elemental body without form [4 elements]. This basic unformed material body is important to understand, for there are healings which may be carried out by the simple understanding of the elements present in the physical vehicle.

The orange-ray body is the physical body complex, but it is still not the body you inhabit. Rather, this is a body formed without self-awareness, the body in the womb before the spirit/mind complex enters. This body may live without the inhabitation of the mind and spirit complexes. However, it seldom does so. [This is the true "body complex", without mind/spirit energy fields.]

The yellow-ray body is your physical vehicle which you know of at this time and in which you experience catalyst. This body has the [integrated] mind / body / spirit characteristics and is equal to the physical illusion, as you have called it. [It is the vehicle of all 3D experience]

The green-ray body is that body which may be seen in seance when "ectoplasm" appears. This is a lighter body packed more densely with life. Some other teachings may call this the "astral" body, while others have called it the "etheric" body. However, this is not correct, since the true etheric body is a "gateway body" through which intelligent energy can mold the mind / body / spirit complex.

The blue-ray body or light body may also be called the devachanic body [corresponding to the higher 3D "inner planes", or "heaven realm"]. There are many other names for this body, especially in your Indian Sutras, for there have been many Hindu seekers who have explored these regions and understand the various types of devachanic bodies. There are many, many types of bodies in each density, much like your own. [Thus, there are many types of blue-ray bodies]

The indigo-ray body, which we choose to call the "etheric body", is the gateway body. In this body form is and you may only see this body as pure light, as it can mold itself as it desires.

The violet-ray body may be understood as what you might call the Buddha body, or that body which is complete. [Corresponding to complete enlightenment, mind / body / spirit perfection]

Each of these bodies has an effect upon the mind / body / spirit complex in your life experience. The interrelationships are many and complex.

We will make one more suggestion: The indigo-ray body may be used by the healer once the healer is able to place its consciousness in this etheric state. The violet-ray or Buddhic body is of equal efficacy to the healer for within it lies a sense of wholeness which is extremely close to unity with all that there is. These bodies are part of each entity and the proper use and understanding of them, though far advanced from the standpoint of 3D harvest, is nevertheless useful to the adept. {v. II}

Interference, Free Will, Prayer, and Autonomy

With respect to George and his various incarnations, attitude toward me, et al. Claire [Higher Self] pointed out that he was 'Much too attached to his creation [me] to give good advice about the role'. Pygmalion and Galatea. ( the Greek myth of Pygmalion, a sculptor who fell in love with a statue he had carved.) He created this role among the first that he did when he started doing that as his work. Claire has rather derisively referred to me as his 'dolly'. He is the Junior Teacher/Guide, which I didn't appreciate fully until relatively recently. Claire's thesis, with which I concur, is that he is 'too close to the subject' to advise properly. He has, in effect, an agenda.


Franz is the Senior Teacher and is much better at advice, though he has his biases as well (his last incarnation - Franz Liszt - became a Secular Franciscan and a lay Abbot of a monastery after he had had two LT relationships and two illegitimate daughters, whom he acknowledged - one of whom married Richard Wagner. HIS bias was that his time working at the Abbey was so full of rest and peace that he thought it would be good for me to 'work for the Church'. I knew on the first day that it was a bad idea, but I needed a job....)

As to practical advice, George's  last incarnation was hopeless about money and practical things. Everyone knew it. His father in law gave G's wife an allowance, without which they would not have survived (he only made the equivalent of about 20K a year as a teacher).

And then there's Byron, his other famous incarnation. Let's leave aside the moral questions and focus on the BiPolar Disorder, of which spendthrift habits are a common symptom. In one year only -1813-14 - Byron spent the equivalent of $30Million, with drafts every couple of days for months on end.

Would you take life advice from this man?

Then there was the $64M question: I had gone to Riverside to meet my brother Greg for lunch (halfway) and on the way back, I was coming up the Hill and apropos of nothing I had the wit to ask George what did the Life Council say to him to get him to convince me to come back here after my sister died and I was having NDEs every other day (as everyone else was against it - George, Claire, Franz, Amy who was my sister).

Because if you ASK, they have to tell you the truth. Well, I reckon he was hoping that it would not come up because he looked awfully uncomfortable, and he said,

'They said it would allow my experiment to continue' [ That is, the creation of this role, - me - of which he was rather chuffed.]

Wow. Ego.

I was furious, and told him to get stuffed. Fix this mess we are in and maybe I will talk to you again.

He has since been away from the Villa except for once, on his own course work. I talk to Franz, often to Claire, but George has made himself scarce, because he knows I am not kidding. It is the worst personal betrayal since incarnating a long time ago in a galaxy far far away (which was also his idea. 'It'll be fun, we can have adventures.')

Hrm.

I should say that he IS very good with other people, because he is neutral or benignly neutral about them This is the same reason that Franz is better with me, because he is  [mostly] neutral.

I can hear your objections to some of this, mainly that those finished incarnating are still subject to a learning curve. Yes. Until the mid-Causal - or Mental - Plane. Yes they are.
The Mental Plane: The First Heaven
 The Mental Plane: The Second Heaven
The Mental Plane: The Third Heaven

George is only at the level of the mid part of the lower Mental Plane. He has a way to go. He is getting there, learning and worked. Making mistakes is how we learn.
He won't forget this one.

A friend of mine who is a 'brother' of sorts to George made the comment some years ago that Claire has caught them up very quickly, in relative terms. She is in the lower part of the Mental plane, after having been far far below them in age and experience not so very long ago, relatively speaking - a couple of cycles ago.

In answer to why can't I just 'skip over to another timeline' as is popularly supposed in the New Age community, A distinction must be drawn between my self and Claire (Self). We are and are not the same thing. In the Michael teaching, individuals are referred to as 'fragments' and this is valid. Each individual lifetime is its own 'thing' and does not have all the knowledge of the Higher Self. We cannot simply bootstrap ourselves to that level (as scientologist acquaintances of mine seem to think.) Neither does the individual have all the knowledge of other fragments of the HS,which aren't necessarily in the same 'reincarnational' line as oneself, unless there is some reason to have it. All are 'Me' but not all are 'me', if you get my drift.

And there is the matter of 'interference' by certain negatively oriented densities (up til the mid-5th  density one can be negatively oriented) in the over-arching world plot and individuals' lives. It has been brought to my attention several times that there are those who are interfering at high levels - as in with the Committees which create the big, worlds plots, which I think is valid based on my observations. Why? because they can. (It also places the level of the Committees, because if they were in the upper Mental plane, they could not be influenced (interfered with).

This discussion goes right back to the nature of the 'local sub-logos' (what most people mean when they refer to 'God') as my Canadian friend Mark calls it. I mentioned once to him that I perceived that not only was 'God' not the Ultimate or Source, but that there was (at least) one 'above' that before one reached Source, the Tao ,All that is , whatever. and he responded with his 'local sub-logos' comment.

These are the limits of my understanding, my personal observations. I know the planes between the Mental and the 'local sub-logos' as charted vibrationally and from the teachers who come from there and talk to us in large groups There. But that is all.

None of this helps one whit with the extreme density of the physical plane, so-called free will, being interfered with here (because they can and are allowed to because 'free will' and 'all experiences are data'.) We're not 'on our own' here -we do have help and guidance, but we are responsible for our own experience here. Hail Mary plays (to use a football term) from discarnate friends are not always allowed. Yes prayer works - mostly to combat the negativity and interference, so far as I have been able to see. We're supposed to do the best we can once we get here, and if we get waylaid, well, someone else will do whatever later (like the instance of Tesla's work being railroaded and finally taken up again by others now.) Time doesn't mean very much to the Committee. Not does personal suffering. It's all fodder for the game.

And if that sounds like the Hunger Games, well. Yes.

Angels

My next youngest sibling, my dear brother Greg, is in the hospital at this moment, while cardiologists are trying to figure out the cause of his manifold blood clots in various organs. He who has been through so much already - including cancer twice. He had been having knee pain (from an old injury, he thought). Then his leg swelled up. Happily, our brother Tom was visiting and mentioned DVT and embolisms. It was caught in time. Everyone is worried of course, including my brother, from his mamma, my dear stepmom, to old childhood friends. He is in good hands, however, and not just here.

We were out on an errand, and I had a very clear strong picture of Dad, our grandparents Mudd and JT as well as dear stepmom's mother Gert, all There, all lending energy and love and focus to the situation. As Dad said ' You Think I'm going to let him Die?!' I repeated this to my brother, slightly amended.

It's a rather scary way to know it for certes, but it is very true that we are NEVER ALONE. Our guides, and beloved ones There are always looking out for us.

I love you, Pops.

Retrieval VI -Tween

It was brought to my attention by Franz that part of the problem of recurring life crashes also comes from the experience I had as a young girl and teenager. When the adoptive mother died, the adoptive father went into a severe depression. Oh, he went to work every day, but there was no food except potatoes and beans, no medical care for the child, no money for clothes or sanitary supplies (let alone going out with friends). Some of this was ameliorated by the advent of friends of his when the child was 14, but the damage - physical, emotional, mental - had been done.

So Claire and I go to the house of my childhood, dressed in business clothes, under the shade of the elm trees, and up the path. Claire reminds me very much in clothes and manner of Dana Scully [X Files]. The house has not yet been turned into a monstrosity, as it was later at the behest of his third wife. We ring the bell and wait. Behind the coloured glass of the door, there is a figure. It bends, peering out the letterbox.

'We are from Child Protective Services,' says Claire crisply. 'Will you open the door please?'
The door opens with slow caution. There is a thin child with dark circles under her eyes. About 12 years old. Wearing cheap, shabby, too-small tank top and shorts. She looks at us fearfully.
C: May we come in?
The girl stares at us.
C: we are here to help you. We won't hurt you.
She flashes a County employee badge. The girl nods, and opens the door wider.
C: Where is your father?
D: Out. I don't know where.
She is stammering.
C: That's as well.

We go inside and sit on the sofa in the living room. The child is sitting on the ottoman. No shoes. Claire takes firm but gentle charge.
C: I am Miss Offreduccio [St. Clare's last name]. I would like to ask you some questions about how you are doing.
D: Who sent you?
She is still stammering in fear.
K: A neighbour... Mary Lou. She is concerned about you.
This neighbour actually was apparently concerned at the time. She nods.
Claire proceeds to ask her how often the parent is gone, what she eats and how often, and asks if she has adequate clothes and medical care. writing down all the answers on a clipboard she has pulled from her briefcase. She betrays no emotion, simply nods and writes. At length, however, the girl is crying and she looks up with empathy.
C: you don't have to worry any more, D. You will be taken care of now. I promise.
D: what about him? [the adoptive father]
C: We will deal with him. Don't worry.
She stands up and looks at me.
C: Miss Watters will help you pack the things you want to take with you and change your clothes. Then we will go to a nice place where you will be looked after.

So saying, I take the child to her room, letting her lead the way, even though I know it. We search the closet for a dress. My hand hovers over the green-flocked white one that was worn to the adoptive mother's funeral.
D: Not that! I hate it. Burn it!
I pick a red plaid cotton instead. It is rather too small, being 3 years old, but clean. We search for whole undergarments and shoes. The only nice shoes are also too small. We opt for sandals. When she is dressed, I fix her hair in an ingenue style, half-up in a ponytail, and tie it up with ribbon.
Then I help her pack an old suitcase with the small treasures she wants to bring. We are ready.

We go out, and Claire has left a note on the dining table to the 'adoptive father' [who is of course not there; the girl has been alone all this while.] Nodding to us, she ushers us out and closes the door firmly.
C: Let's go.
Taking the girl by the hand, we walk to the end of the large street adjacent to the house and turn, upwards toward what would be a bridge over the river, but we are speeding along toward the Children's Centre.

At the Centre, we are greeted warmly by the Directress, who is out in front. Then, Patricia, my sister, comes running down the steps and flings herself with joy on the girl, who is crying now for a different reason. She is the same age as the girl [for convenience's sake]. and, arms intertwined, they go inside without a backward glance. She will be quickly assimilated with the other fragmented parts, and go to live with her sister in her cottage.

I feel emotional. The long nightmare legacy of want and deprivation, of no one to care for that young girl at a critical time in her life, is over.
Finit. Amen.

C: Apart from the resonance [of herself, St. Clare], the desire to escape to safety and being cared for forever was a large unconscious part of the motivation to be a Poor Clare.
K: Yes, I can see that.
C: It's not a reason for not being accepted, or remaining, but several key elements would have been missed [my kids, my brothers...]
K: Noted.
She smiles at me, St. Clare's brilliant smile.
C: Let's go home, shall we?

Highland Clearances

I chanced upon the following over on Bruce Moen's Afterlife Knowledge forum and it really got my attention, as this has been my experience of the lower to mid Astral as well. This was written in 2008, but it still applies, as this work continues (needless to say), by volunteers here and those whose job it is There to do such retrievals.

But lately I am finding all these areas between 21 and 27 becoming less dense, less extensive, less populated. I am told they are being "cleared up to 27" and also find 27 MUCH more extensive and expansive/expanding than it has been. It used to be a place of stillness for me, and I find it MUCH more energized and populated. By the same token, beings with whom I have visited extensively on Focus 27 are moving to higher vibrational reals as well. My mother, who formerly "worked" in the Healing and Rejuvenation Center is no longer there, and is found more and more frequently farther on--- like around 33/34 for me. The Gathering (both Bruce and Bob Monroe wrote about it) is 34/35. I find my "I-there" someplace like 42 or so, and beyond that I sort of lose my way as yet...... but I do know it keeps on and one.

So to my inquiry---

Anyone else finding this thinning? As there are fewer beings there, there is less thought to sustain the illusion and these towns and cities are thinning and dissolving back in to the quantum field from which the thoughts collapsed them in the frist place. Like the path to 27 is being rebuilt and reinforced so peole don't take so many little detours along the way, and 27 is growing in preparation.

All of my exploration has been about the Earth Changes for which The Gathering is occurring. These times and these changes are upon us. I got some truly startling and almost unbelievable information exploring The Gathering and interacting with the energies there, and look forward to more at Starline (at Monroe) in July. Such information is for a different post if anyone is interested.

Your experiences of this phenomenon are most welcome.

Bekka - Retrieval V

This was something of an experiment, and I felt quite sick at the prospect. I wasn't sure where I would find her, or who to 'be'.

Berlin, 1950

 In traveling down to the lower astral, I find myself in Berlin in 1950, beside the railroad station adjacent to her apartment building.  I love the buildings, and the cleanness of everything as compared to 2015, even in this situation. I have decided to be Ingrid Hemmendorf, a friend of hers in the BDM and NSF (women's org) during the war. Ingrid was also of a once well-off family. I am wearing a sage-green suit and pink blouse, lovely upswept hair -very blonde- and heels. Visiting clothes.

I go up to ring the bell and two men come up behind me. Not the Secret Police. Sepp in a dark-blue suit and pale blue shirt with no tie - casual wear; and Otto (Franz in disguise. 'Uncle Otto' who was actually a cousin once removed and only ten years older than Bekka). Tall, stately, dark. Like a film star, in a beautiful, expensive  dark suit. A welcoming committee. Sepp makes a joke about taking a holiday but being under dressed, compared to his companion. 

She buzzes the door open and we walk up the green-carpeted hall. The carpet is shabby, the walls rather dingy. There is a lift but it doesn't work, so we walk up the stairs to the first floor. Down to the left, then on the right is her flat. Number 13 (floor plus room, first floor, third room). Otto knocks on the door. She opens it, her face alight.

'Uncle Otto!' She clasps his hand. She is wearing a wool maroon dress and frilly apron (for receiving, not for housework), her hair done, with the front swept up and curled all round. Worn, but good shoes. The small flat is immaculate, but shows signs that she changed since the street door bell - the bedroom door is ajar and there is the smell of face powder.

She invites us all in and greets us warmly, one by one. Leading to the chairs  in the sitting room, she returns with coffee and sachertorte on a tray. Tiny demitasse cups. The tray and dishes all clearly are second-hand, but the cutlery is actual silver. 

"I am sorry that Karl is at school until later, so you cannot see him,' she says, sitting down and passing the items. The armchair  she sits in is square, of a shiny green fabric, second-hand. To its right is a better chair that Sepp sits in, myself on a kitchen chair and Otto on the small sofa, across from her. Otto holds up his hand.
'It is no trouble. We will see him later.'

There is some short time of catching up - enquiries after friends and relative. She is happy, if wistful. I get the impression from her that she envies us our ability to 'move around', as she is 'stuck in Berlin' working at the coffeehouse. Sepp is slouched in the chair, Thomas-fashion, with the cake plate balanced on his chest. He rubs his jaw ironically, and drawls, 'Well, funny thing, I am going on a holiday to Bern, and when I was arranging it, I happened upon your uncle.... I was wondering id you would like to come along, and show me the sights, visit your family....' Worst non-sequitor ever. Way to be subtle.  It;s hardly even probable that  he would have encountered Otto in a booking agent's here in Berlin. But she is so happy to see them, she takes all of it at face value.

She looks at Otto, with a joyful, expectant, questioning expression. Is it possible? Possible to 'be forgiven' (for something that was out of her control!), welcomed back into the bosom of a family that she left at age 8. She and her boy. Otto is smiling. 'That's what I came here for, to ask if you would come  and stay with us at the Bergschlosse, you and Karl,,,' He looks at Sepp with a sardonic smile. 'The General is most welcome,' he says with courtliness. Sepp is smirking. Somewhere, Wolf and the other Habsburgs are bursting into flames. Bekka is very moved. 'Thank you, Uncle!' She repeats this many times.

'Ingrid can help you pack,' Otto says. 'We will wait.' He looks at Sepp. 

'There is sherry on the cabinet,' Bekka says, gesturing to the buffet under the window. The decanter and glasses are old, gold-rimmed.... Sepp looks like he has been invited to drink poison, but Otto, now smirking, brings over the glasses.

Meanwhile, I go with Bekka into the one bedroom. There is a very small 'double' bed, a dressing table, wardrobe, and chair. From underneath the bed, she  retrieves two battered old suitcases. A smallish pullman and a smaller dressing case.

'I'm afraid there isn't much to pack,' she apologises. Going to the wardrobe, there are two dresses, an extra school uniform, and in the drawers beneath, two sets of underclothes each, a pair of capris and top, and a scarf. (But it is an Hermes scarf.)

'That's quite all right,' I say. 'I'm sure there will be time to get suitable things in Switzerland.'

We pack up the few clothes and I put the items from the dressing table quietly in the small case. There are a few photographs: her parents, one of Otto, and one of the Berghof (! I am uncertain as to whether I should include this). I ask her if she wants to take these with her.

'Why?'

'Well, Otto seemed to imply that you would be staying.'

She stops folding the sheet from the bed she has stripped, and stares at me. Looking around the room, almost alarmed, she regards me in consternation.

'I didn't think of that!' Her hand goes to her hair. I smile.

'You look lovely. Perfectly presentable to your family.' 

'I must at least remove my apron!' 

She does so, then 'What about collecting Karl  from school?' She looks at her watch. 'It isn't nearly time.'

'I'll see.' I go out.

Sepp and Otto are exchanging rude stories. Otto is smoking a cigarette elegantly. I tell them we need Karl. Otto shakes his head, mashing out the cigarette in the tray.

'Not a problem.' He goes to the telephone - heavy, black, Lucite - and speaks to the 'operator' then rings off. 'Tell her he is being sent for.'

I do and help bring the cases out. She has put on a little round cocktail hat - a circle of velvet and net with cherries - lipstick, and dark gloves.

'Hubba hubba,' says Sepp, and whistles through his teeth. She blushes. Otto comes and takes her hands.

'You look lovely.'

There is is a sound at the door,and Karl bursts in, an 8 year old boy in shorts and coat - his school uniform. Looking exactly like Otto as a child.

'Mamma!' He runs over and flings himself on her. (I understand that she has actually been all alone, forever waiting one afternoon for him to come home from school.)

'Well, he certainly is one of us,' Otto says drily. He makes a bow. 'Hello, boy. I am your uncle Otto.'

Karl stops and looks up curiously. ' You look like Grandfather.' (The picture on the dressing table.)

'He was my uncle,' Otto says.

'Liebling,' says Bekka,' we are going on a journey with Uncle and the General to visit my aunt Sophie in Switzerland.'

'When, Mamma?'

'Now,' says Otto.

At that, all rise and do out, downstairs, and to the train station adjacent. Here 'Ingrid' will leave them, and when they stop, they will be in Switzerland here. I turn to Bekka. 'It was so good to see you again my dear! You will write?'

'Yes. Thank you for coming, Ingrid. It is good to see old friends.' There are presses of both cheeks. I watch them  go through the gate and wave them off as Otto hands the cases to a porter. The green train starts off slowly.

I can feel her happiness. She will heal in Switzerland, with family and friends, and move on to her life here, one of us. Helping others, perhaps. Immortal. The dark wound of the past erased.

***

Convo with Franz. I thank him for stepping in, and playing it to the hilt.

K: So, what will this freeing of Bekka accomplish for me, if anything? (I understand perfectly well what it will accomplish for her.)

F: An easing of the 'tragedienne' complex that Claire has mentioned, specifically of 'putting yourself last' and into situations that are impossible to extricate yourself from without help from us. It will also clear out any lingering feelings of 'not belonging'. The nearer she moves to Switzerland, the better she and you feel. When she is there, in the bosom of her family, the realisation of what kind of holiday she is on will dawn [that she is dead] and she will begin to work on experience - processing, releasing.  She may then be in Switzerland or anywhere else here she chooses. For you, the 'desire to be just a housewife' will wane, as well as freeing  the energy surrounding the conflicts regarding hearth and home.

Young women of the BDM

 

Bekka-esque

Sepp

Sepp and Ursula

 

 Otto, Regina, and kinder

Otto

Otto as a child. Both Bekka and her son Karl looked like this.

* Legacy. The Karl here mentioned is Otto's son. The article below was written in 2004.

Karl Habsburg and two relatives are demanding that property worth hundreds of millions of pounds, including several castles and about 50,000 acres of woodland, be given back to the family in a claim filed with the Austrian Restitution Fund for the Victims of National Socialism.

Mr Habsburg, 42, dropped the aristocratic "von" from his name before becoming an MEP for the conservative Austrian People's Party. His father, Otto von Habsburg, is the head of the family.

The intervention by the dynasty's future patriarch has given fresh impetus to a campaign launched by other members of a family whose empire once stretched across much of central and eastern Europe. They say that if they win, the property will be placed in a trust for the benefit of 160 surviving Habsburgs.

"We don't want to be treated like second-class citizens any longer," said Christian Habsburg, the Euro MP's cousin, who co-filed last week's claim. "The Habsburgs were dispossessed by the Nazis and should be handed back property by the state, just like all the other victims of national socialism.

"We are talking about properties that my family had privately owned that were seized by the Nazis in 1938 and then taken after the war without compensation."
Research conducted by Otto's brother, the late Carl-Ludwig von Habsburg, revealed that Hitler had personally directed the campaign against the family.
The best-known asset is Laxenburg Palace and its extensive park, just outside Vienna. The palace, which dates to the middle ages, is open to the public and a popular destination for Viennese day-trippers and tourists. The total value of the disputed property has yet to be calculated, but the forests alone are worth about £135 million.
Although the Habsburgs were robustly anti-Hitler, there is disquiet in republican Austria at the idea of the Nazi restitution fund being used to aid the former royal ruling family when many Holocaust victims are still awaiting compensation. Austrian governments have previously said that they oppose paying money from the fund to the Habsburgs.
Yet Herbert Golsong, a Washington-based lawyer representing the family, said: "This was an act of Nazi revenge. It was a personal instruction from Hitler because members of the Habsburg family were employed in anti-Nazi propaganda abroad, especially in the US." The family had also helped Jewish people to flee to America, he said.

Captain of my Ship

Franz:
As to how to be a creator, the suggestion made by your friend [Frank DeMarco in The Cosmic Internet] to 'remote view your own life' is not a bad one, with some cautions about letting your  ego-mind magnify fears [Think Rimmer in red Dwarf in the holoworlds].
K; So, visualisation.
F: Yes but visualisation from the viewpoint of 'sensiing vectors', of looking at the avenues that are possible from your current standpoint of choices.  Every choice closes certain possibilities and opens others in your prospective futures. Some are malleable - you can go back - but others are not (such as choices that lead to dropping the body).

Guidance

Some might wonder what the point or purpose of guidance is, if we are here, supposedly to interact with this plane, learn to make choices, and 'do things ourselves' with 'delayed consequences'. Good question! Claire had this to say:

K: Is it possible to be 'at cause' in one's 3D life, or is this New Age hokum?
C: What do you think this conversation is, if not being at cause? [as opposed to being a victim?]

Then Franz:
F: What must be considered is who or what is exerting control? Higher Self? The Life Council? Various resonances of 'other selves'? The basic, unmediated embryonic ego? You can see that discerning who or what is very important.

In the present case, it would be fair to say that the persona (ego plus soul inserted into the body) wants to have a greater hand in ' shaping matters'. To do this I would suggest that you follow the instructions for shaping matter: visualisation, putting out energy of a particular need or desire to those who can fulfill it, then 'checking in' with one of us as to whether it is on course for the life plan, so as to avoid wasted effort.

I don;t mean to say that you should do this with every little decision or choice in your life, but the larger ones would benefit from such checking in. It is of benefit to study how this works so as not be be forever bashing your head against brick walls, as you would say.

Parts of Self and Choice

In discussing the facilitation of goals with Franz today, a continuance of a previous conversation about the threads or resonance or Other [past] personalities of self occurred.

F: If your goal is to have a peaceful, financially stable life, then you must make inner and outer choices which facilitate this. If you wish, conversely, to 'rely solely on guidance and go wherever the wind takes you', this involves an entirely different set of choices; choices which are not being, I point out, entirely in keeping (harmony) with either your persona or the various threads (consciousnesses, 'lifetimes') active now in your make-up.

K:With regard to that, it would be interesting to see their orientations, views, and 'who's steering the ship', as it were.

F: Very well. A dossier:
Ancel [Master of the Scriptorium at Salisbury, 13th C] - contributes logic, and attention to craft and its preservation. His overriding attribute is analysis of the intersection of soul and spirit.

Bekka [Minor member of the Hapsburg family, a good faith offering to the Reich] performance of duty, putting self last. You are perceiving that her influence is largely detrimental  to your persona in terms of development, but she facilitates interface with your present culture's expectations.

Patty [Jefferson] this one has been self-deprecating to a self-destructive degree, but contributes a 'romantic' (feeling based) sensibility and love of beauty necessary to your work.

Molly [Pianist, wife of a university don] contributes logic in a practical manner - which is helpful in integrating the business world, and a very deep sense of beauty.

Ellie [Appalachian seamstress] this one also has  extremely self-deprecating tendencies, and the habit of following along, not standing up for herself. But she too has skill in craft, a good business sense and sense of beauty.

In all cases of the self-deprecating threads, it is important to separate out what is useful in their influence from what is not, which may not be apparent as such at first glance.

***
I then circled all the positives, for future reference and discussion with the personas. In the case of Bekka, I asked myself how I could avail of her facility with cultural expectations without descending into that 'loss of self' that was a hallmark of her life. I decided to use her (pardon the term) for those things that make life easy and pleasant: cleaning, cooking, baking, home craft. (Let her be a housewife) - which is where that desire comes from (in me), because she never got to except partly at the end of her life after the war.

I had then a strong sense of incoming information. and realised that I needed to change her outcome (she died as part of the infamous resistance after the war.) Several possibilities presented themselves, some humorous, such as running off with General Sepp Dieterich - a joke between them - but the most cohesive with her own life was to get her and her child Karl to Switzerland and be reunited with her Hapsburg relatives (beloved Uncle Otto and so on), as it was from them she was taken as a young child. It would be completing the circle.

Miss Patty - Retrieval IV

This was somewhat unexpected, given my lifelong familiarity with this life; despite certain experiences - uncontrollable grief, anger and bitterness when at Monticello - it never occurred to me that she might be stuck. Erm, was/is this rescue the thing I was/am supposed to do about this (and not write a book)? Well, if so, here it is. May the release of energy from this heal all concerned and free up new ways of being.

I was very surprised to see her at Elk Hill on the James (a property owned first by her father, where she lived with her first husband, the grounds of which Cornwallis destroyed in his march through) and not at Monticello, which at first blush would be 'more logical'. However, like victims of amnesia, it appears that she went back to a place and time before a great deal of the crashing horror of the life occurred. Yes those are subjective words. No apologies.

* The photo above is of Plynlimmon, nearby in Goochland, because the present house at Elk Hill Farm is  Gothic revival, built in the 1830s. The original house was a frame house (like ten-thousand other Virginia gentry houses, not really much to write home about.)

I found her sitting on a chair before the window, looking out at Elk Island in the river. The date was June, 1776. Yes that year. She had just had another miscarriage, was ill (diabetes type I) and depressed. She had supposed to be at The Forest in Charles City already with her sister and brother-in-law/cousin, and everyone was coming to look for her, having received frantic letters from Mr. Jefferson in Philadelphia.

So, I thought, Oh Lud, how shall I manage this? Realising that it would be very difficult to tear her away, she being very stubborn (her worst fault). So I thought, well, why not use the two people who came to me as a preschooler as young girls, her sisters Elizabeth and Anne? My dear Amy had actors as two of her sisters (Nancy [Anne] and Tibb [Tabitha]), actually so it should be fairly easy.

Amy and I arrived in the hall outside of the bedchamber where she sat; the door was open, so, it was a matter of scratching on the door (a family habit) and walking in.
K/E: Sister, at last!
She turned, somewhat listlessly, while we took off out bonnets, but her eyes lit and then grew teary.
P: Oh my dear sisters!
There were embraces and cheek-kisses.
A: Sister we have been so worried when we had no word of you! So we decided to come and fetch you ourselves, thinking perhaps that you needed assistance.
Oh Amy, well done!
E: Francis has been beside himself, receiving letters by every post from our friend. [Mr. Jefferson]. Had you none here at all?
I knew that she had not of course. She shook her head and so I held out a thick packet of letters, tied up in pale blue ribbon.
E: These are all this month gone.
She looked at them rather fearfully, paling, and shaking a little, her face then a changing canvas of emotions - happiness, sorrow, wistfulness.
P: Oh my dear Betsey! Thank you! You are an angel!
She took up the letters with gladness - and put them directly into her pocket in her skirts.
P: I shall read them anon.
She promised.
A: You shall, as WE are going to kit you out and bring you right along! No argument now!
Have you anything ready fit to wear?
She looked askance at the rather shabby old gown, a work gown, threadbare and mended - almost shredded, and at the undressed hair flowing loose. It was comical to see Amy as Nance was then, the littlest of the sisters, both in age and size, fussing about like a little brown hen. Patty looked toward the wardrobe press in a kind of confusion.
P: I ... think so...

Well, she had been there for such a long time in a daze, that surely fashion was the last thing on her mind. (Even though she had been in life quite fashionable and not a little vain.)
At this moment,  her servant Bett appeared in the doorway, cheerful, managerial, bustling. I hid a smile. Madame in disguise.
B: Now lamby, you come along and we's all will set you to rights. Look here and see what Mary come up with in the guest room -
Mary was Bett's eldest daughter. In comes Mary with a chemise a la reine, the most fashionable of French frocks at the time, designed to appeal to that forgotten vanity.

 All the bustle of changing and arranging has at least taken her attention off the window which had exerted such an hypnotic fascination for so long. When all is done, we take her downstairs to the waiting open carriage and all sit together.

Driving along the river road smoothly (not bumps and ruts and other inconveniences of 18th Century travel),  I ask her what she was waiting for at the window. The pleasant expression of enjoyment at the dappled light vanishes and she looks catatonic again.
P: I was waiting for Mr. Skelton.
Eek. Her first husband. This is worse than I thought. She has retreated entirely to before her marriage. I glance at Amy, who says firmly,
A: No, Batt and Tibb and Jackie and Pa are all gone, Patt. So is Betsey's Dick, and Janey.
She nods at me. husbands, siblings, children, nephews.
Patty shakes her head as if waking up.
P: Why, yes of course, how foolish of me!
Her hands are tight on the reticule strings in her lap. I think she might get lost again, but she turns to me earnestly.
P: Have you heard from Maria since your loss? [a mutual friend]
I assure her that I have, and begin talking about many other friends. Keep her in her present. That's progress.

We are still traveling along the pleasant river road, and I suggest that she might want to look at her letters, that we won't mind, and a little distractedly, as if she has forgotten them, she says 'Oh Yes' and removes them from her pocket. There are many tears and kisses of the words of the one on top. I hide my smile. The girl who used to read novels is still alive in her.  She bursts out:
P: Oh! he has been asked to go to FRANCE! to assist Dr. Franklin as Minister.
Her eyes are shining.
P: France, France, France!
I think of her eldest daughter, who was a coltish tomboy as a little girl but who cherished her own time in France. It had been a girlish dream, for Patty, amongst her father's French essays and sermons and plays, borne up by the interest her first husband had in that country also. She is as excited as a girl.
P: He says I am to await with you and we will leave directly he returns -[reading]- this Tuesday week... That's tomorrow! Oh Lud!
She is blushing like a girl.
E: That is why we came. Francis had the same intelligence of him.
Making it all up of course, but, look at her.
P: Oh, Betsey! You are such a clever thing!
She hugs me impulsively.

She doesn't seem to notice that no night or day is passing, or that we do not stop at taverns or friends' houses on the way. That's as well. We are suddenly moving up the hill towards her childhood's home, a modest house amid pine, tulip, and walnut trees. She is straining to look, as there in the half-circular driveway, is a familiar horse. She digs her fingers into my arm.
P: Oh he's here! He's here!
And with that He indeed appears from the house and Elizabeth's husband with him. The carriage has barely stopped and she has scrambled out and flung herself on him. Uncharacteristic in public, but not among family.
P: I received your letter!
She is exclaiming.
P: Oh France! France!
He is smiling his sardonic smile.
T: I thought you might be glad to see me too.
He teases.

She is happy and over the moon.

Inside the house is much discussion of logistics. A ship has been commissioned for them. Various friends are helping to secure supplies. And, a letter from Lafayette's wife Adrienne, in French, welcoming her to her country and hoping to embark upon a deep and lasting friendship.

Everything now will change, as they indeed embark on this alternative history in the holoworlds There. The changes for myself as a 'downline' remain to be seen [if any]. But watching her dance about her childhood home on light feet in those few 'days', reunited with her husband and daughters, I feel less conflicted about the life and its 3D outcome.

The pull of that life from my earliest childhood was because she needed rescuing. It cast a long shadow. But all that is done. When they take their leave, bound for new adventures, we wave them farewell from that curved driveway that now is barely discernable among the ruins of the house in the 3D.
K: Well done!
I say to Amy. She is smiling.
A: Yes.

Queens

Two, one two three four
Ev'rybody's talking about
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, is-m, is-m, is-m. 

This post is gong to be about Archetypes and Gender Identity. Anyone who has a problem with that, stop reading right now. The rest of you, carry on.

The conjunction of Caitlyn Jenner's revelation on the cover of Vanity Fair, the Supreme Court's upholding the rights of gay people to marry, and the murder of 9 people in Charleston for being black has brought up matters of identity in the US. Over on the Joseph Campbell Mythological Roundtable, this has received a lot of discussion. The views range from the 'scientific' - what according to DNA IS 'gender identity'?- to the spiritual - archetypes, the Hero's Journey - to the cultural - what does it mean to be gay, black, fe/male at this time?

The answers of individuals - like the view of historians or biographers - is often more illuminating as to the writer than their subject. But that in itself is instructive as to where we are in the process of Change as a society right now, thus Important.

One of the most interesting discussions, to me, is the re-emergence of the Queen archetype in the female life span, as opposed to Maiden/Mother/Crone being the only options. I take this very personally, as Persephone - one of my major archetypes - embodies three of those modes (Maiden/Queen/Crone)- with Queen of the Underworld being the 'most enduring' (of the longest duration) There of the three. Here in the 3D I have achieved three of those four stages (Maiden/Mother/Queen) and was stuck in the Maiden/Damsel Who Must Be Rescued for a very long time, well into the Mother/Queen st/age. The quarternity, in Jungian terms, is well-presented here.

The Damsel in Distress

This is the immature version of the saboteur. Like the saboteur, this young woman remains self-absorbed, aloof, and does not really understand her environment. It has become disappointing to her as it at best has not met her needs and at worst has entrapped her. Her lack of prior inquisitiveness has left her untaught, ill-prepared and unable to provide for herself. She needs to be rescued from her own life. Unfortunately her lack of relatedness has left her stranded with out known options that would be able to bring about resolution. As in her adult form, her distance from her own needs not only undermines the environment, but sabotages herself. Her need to relate is trapped within her, i.e. self-absorbed, she is well aware that she has needs, but does not have a clue as to how to bring them about. She is trapped, and awaiting divine intervention.

Queen/Mother

I offer this archetypal combination to both honor Toni Wolfe’s original labeling and to acknowledge that there is an aspect of this complexual form that does not have to be a biological mother. The queen/mother aspect of a woman is a complex that has a personal relationship with her subjects and assumes the responsibility of providing an environment in which her subjects can thrive and flourish and find the relational qualities necessary for harmony to exist in the queendom. Her very presence in life leads her through experiences to discover the role that awaits her. Her role will be to instill in her subjects the qualities that she, by her own inner sense of things, deems important. Her dedication to this labor force her to surrender some aspects of her natural sensuality. Her seductress is commonly one of the first victims of this commitment. She may even be tempted to convert her relationship with her lover into that of mother-son, which will provide her mate with a safe place to exist in so his energies are free to provide financial and maintenance support to her family. She tends to be very supportive of social systems that provide an extended environment in which her children or subject are safe to explore and then return to her. The mother has truly surrendered herself and her path as an individual. Her view of wholeness is not simply herself, but the oneness of herself with her self defined charges, be these children or adults. She, of course , will sacrifice herself for her charges, for she has traded her individual path for the opportunity to be the creator and inspiration of her charges who in her creative side she hopes will fulfill and surpass the dreams that she sacrificed to care for them. So, the accomplishments of her subjects become her fulfillment.

The Medial

This aspect of the adult feminine is impersonal as is the amazon, but opposes the amazon in that the fields she play in are the fields of spirit and unconscious ideation. The medial is a channel from the external world to her internal or from the collective unconscious to potential consciousness. She is naturally in tune with her environment and with her intuitive abilities attunes herself to the vibrations that surround her. Her strength is in her ability to trust the internal message over what is obviously standing in front of her as the two commonly oppose each other in the world of the medial. She has some Hecate or witch like qualities about her in that she knows what she knows. But, this knowing does not come to her through reason or exploration. Rather, if she comes near it, it just invades her and demands recognition. When she is surrounded by light creative energy all is well with her and those about her. However, when darkness or discord appear on the horizon of the unconscious, she is the first to sense it. If she denies the intuitive invasion, then the dynamics are pushed into her own shadow and she may be forced to act out the discord in physical or psychological illness. However, the structural form of the medial is truly a vessel, not a receptacle. Therefore, she can avoid this illness by simply allowing the energy of the intuition to pass through her by announcing it to consciousness (either hers or to whomever it may belong). One of the tricky aspect of being a medial is determining for whom her bells tolls. She can easily cause great discord herself by confusing inner messages from her own unconscious with collective material or by assuming that every thought that ripples through her head is a message for someone. Just like the amazon needs to refine her skills, so the medial needs to refine hers. Her unwillingness to apply discipline and wisdom to her gift can be her seriously detrimental to both herself and those close to her.

While it is true that in the Upper Astral (5th Dimension) and Mental (6/7th Dimension) there isn't gender as we think of it here in the 3D, there is an habitual choice of projection for purposes of communicating in the 4th and 5th Dimensions, commonly known as Gender. In specific, all the people we have met thus far in this blog - Franz, Madame, George, Claire, Amy - are actually non-gendered, but project the aspects of gender 'for convenience's sake' [their words] because 'it is hard to get excited by a fuzzy orange blob' [George]. No spirit (or Higher Self or whatever you wish to call it) has gender. It never did. Soul fragments have whatever gender in whatever worlds system the soul goes into as a personality (and some of them have as many as 36 'genders' as we think of them here on Earth) for reasons that have to do with the role taken on.

It is also true that in utero here on earth, certain 'outside influences' [ hormones in food] and 'naturally occurring' influences [over secretion of certain hormones due to enzyme block or lacks as in my own family] can cause hormone and actual physical changes in the embryo, fetus, child and adult, with the cascade of concomitant difficulties and 'gender ambiguity' manifestations (intersex newborns, assigned a particular gender at birth).

My role here - apart from whatever else I am doing - and There is as 'Queen of the Underworld', helping those who are being born and dying with their transitions. I understand the dynamics of physical and non-physical life very well, both in its functional and 'spiritual' aspects. But Claire, for all her having actors ( soul fragments) who have been females and going by a female name - which means Light - hasn't a gender. Many of her aspects are what archetypally would be considered masculine. Her relationships with Madame and Amy and others could conceivably be considered 'romantic' (but so could those with Franz and George). This is an aspect of the 'genderlessness' referred to earlier.

The practical resonance for me here is that I am very 'open-minded' about gender issues, and always have been. I have my own personal preferences - I am very girly girl in many ways, but my mind is logical and thus 'masculine' - but I do not allow these to affect my view of others' co-called 'choices'. The reasons one incarnates in one body type with the mind, spirit and emotions of another are quite complex, and not mine to 'pass judgement upon.'

We are here in this 3D plane at this time as people, to break the stereotypes of what it means to be human, in preparation for being an off-planet civilisation and encountering others (so-called aliens) whom we definitely will view as Other. Gender issues are kindergarten compared to that.

Mountain Rescue- Retrieval III

Again at the Eco Village, this time in my house, a cabin. Cool, dim, comfortable old thing, built from nothing, over these 40 years of earth time. Waiting for George to finish up filing a rucksack with the gods know what. I feel sick. This is going to be... something intense. Self is in the long braids mode and hippie clothes, loose top and shorts. Hmm.

He comes out, from the other room, rucksack in hand, also in his (rather new here) hippie guise of longish hair, Indian shirt and yoga pants. The people coming back are as flummoxed by him as they were by Franz' Hamburg leather pants and red silk shirt. This is not what they expect. 'Are you God' questions become 'God is a hippie?' It's all to loosen them up (as was Franz' 'God is a German queen' outfit.)

G: ready?

K: I guess.

He touches my shoulder.

G: Don't be nervous!

I say nothing. 'I have a bad feeling about this' – to quote Princess Leia.

I realise that Joe and Maggie aren't coming....

We go out, through the pristine Village and pine trees encircling and are moving swiftly towards the mountains, the same area where my Dad lives. I have a swirling sensation, spinning sideways, as I sometimes did when doing readings for people many years ago.

We are at a campground.

I recognise it as one we used to frequent when I was a girl. In the Earth plane, it was in Kern, at Lake Isabella. So many mishaps there... I became intimately acquainted with the local Emergency Room [A&E]. We walk up the winding trail towards the playground area, he before me, making jokes about looking out for bears [as happened in Yellowstone] and eating pine trees [Euell Gibbons].

At length, behind the playground, we come to a section of extremely large boulders, as high as one and two story houses. Up on top, at the edge of one, is my 7 year old self, frozen in fear and indecision. In the earth plane, the daughter of a family friend, whom I was with (along with her little brother) said blithely 'look out for black widow spiders, they're poisinous' described them, and went off clambering with her brother. Seeing one near me, I was instantly terrified, and to my mind had a choice: jump (and die) or stay (and die). As with the poor souls in the Twin Towers who decided to jump from to 115^th floor rather than face a fiery demise, I then thought that taking the decision into my own hands rather than be the victim of an unknown fate was the better choice. It never occurred to me to run away in the opposite direction towards the ground. I didn't know where Rita was. I just screamed and jumped. I never knew how high the rock really was, or how long I was 'out'. Now, I see it was about 30 feet high. Now I know it was about 20 minutes.

But here she is, stuck in that moment of decision, 'in an impossible situation' , with 'only two choices, both of them bad.' I recognise what George is going to do. He is squinting up at her in the sunshine.

G: Hey! Hey up there! Are you stuck? Do you need help getting down?

She just stares at him, shaking her head in terror.

G: It's all right. We'll help you down. Come on, Claire, rope up.

He nods and hands me an end of the rope he has slung over his shoulder.

Ah.

I wrap a length of it around myself in the old way of a 'gentleman's belay', figuring that I and she will have to abseil off. Or at least I will.

G: Don't be afraid, little girl. Claire is climbing up to help you. We will get you down.

She speaks at last.

D: But, but SPIDER!

She points backwards and looks about ready to pass out.

G: Don't worry. It's not harmful. It won't hurt you.

He speaks very calmly. I look over my shoulder at him dubiously. I don't know if it is harmful or not. He nods and speaks quietly.

G: Go on.

We have climbed often in many places here, and as a belayer and climbing leader, I trust him absolutely. He has all of Mallory's skill and a much improved teaching and leading ability. Up, indeed I go, hammering pitons as I do, into the faceless areas, putting in cams in cracks, working my way up slowly and with care, manteling over the outcrop at the top, so that I am lying at the feet of the little girl before I spring up.

K: Hello there. I'm Claire. You're safe now. George and I will get you down and take you home.

I put my hand on her shoulder, because she is too big to pick up.

D: But, but SPIDER!

She points again.

I look over, and there is indeed a spider, but it is not a black widow at all, indeed harmless. All this and nearly dying because of an ordinary spider! [Of which, I should note, I am not presently afraid] I feel angry again at the stupid child Rita, who had other idiocies to her credit on my behalf, Why the parents let her anywhere near me repeatedly, I cannot imagine. I realise that I am angry at the adoptive parents and at Rita's parents for not being responsible adults. Put the anger where it belongs then let it go. Reaching into my pocket, I take out a piece of paper, scoop up the spider, and release it over the edge of the rock then go back to the little girl.

K: You're safe now. Now, let's see about getting you down.

I survey the area, and realise that to the rear of the rocks, it is sloping, perfectly able to be walked down in rock shoes or sneakers, with a helping hand if one is a little girl. The way down is some 50 feet away. Safety, an option not involving death was 50 feet away. Hrm.

I go back to the high edge and tell George of the way down. He'll probably have to walk a bit, but it's perfectly easy. I unrope and toss the rope to him.

G: see you in a bit.

K: Okay.

I take the little girl's hand.

K: Now, see, we can walk down here this way. I will help you so you don't feel scared, okay? And my friend will meet us down at the back. Then we will take you home.

She looks up at me.

D: But, Rita and Jorge...

K: They can find their own [expletive censored] way home. Come on.

We go down, slowly, because she's still shocky, and at the bottom we wait for a few minutes and George comes striding through the trees, all smiles.

G: well, hello there! Very please to meet you. That was a little adventure, wasn't it! I'm George, and this is Claire, and we're going to take you home.

She nods dubiously.

K: she's worried about the other kids. The ones who got her into this fix.

G: Oh I see.

He scans the area.

G: well, I'm sure we'll find them at home. Come on.

He takes her hand as well and we walk through the pines, down the trail to the entrance area to the campground.

G: Now, we have to take a special way to get back, but don't worry. Hold our hands.

She nods and in a moment we are are the Children's Centre (again!)

He takes her in and deals with the transfer while I wait outside with the gatekeeper. After a few minutes, I see the child running to greet someone she knows in the garden. Mission accomplished.

George comes out and we make our way back to the cabin in the EcoVillage. Sitting in the quiet with cold drinks, lounging on the chair and sofa, we talk about the interim [when I was 'out' after jumping] and the impact of the decision and sense of choices.

This was one of those points that happen in every life where a window to leave comes up. But because I was, as you might say, habituated to the [near]death experience, the situation limited the perceived choices that I had (age aside – I was an extremely bright child). This psychological mechanism is (was) still active in me as I write this. Trust in other people's perceptions and judgements, fear of mortal circumstances and bad consequences, and the perception of only extreme choices.

In the interim, it was shown (to my not-child consciousness) what would transpire and not if I stayed There. Far flung, multiple scenarios. (The future, except for the broad outlines of the script, not being fixed). So I went back.

In the physical body, all I had to cope with was a mild concussion and a few stitches. But the psychological impact was very great, and affected my responses to life, and way of making choices to this day. By the grace, this is ameliorated now.